Feelings
First smell of fall rain
First smell of fall rainStoking my desire for moreLet go letting go Seasons change, people change, and I change. I want with all my heart to be the most current, accessible, and loving version of myself at all times. I can be all those those things and still struggle to let life flow through me…
Read MoreGrey Hairs
A few years ago I decided to stop hiding my grey hairs. I’ve noticed my grey hairs growing in for the last maybe 5-6 years. For the first few years, I decided that I would use demi-permanent hair color every 3 months or so to cover the grey hairs and fade out gradually instead of…
Read MoreAdrienne Mehri Shamszad
Last night Adrienne’s voice, her songs and the music she and her band played blasted my heart wide open and made tears stream down my face. She sang poems by Rumi, Hafiz and other amazing mystic Iranian poets in Farsi and it made me understand the longing to be overcome by the love of god.…
Read MoreSelf Love
For many years, I’ve been aware of my tendency to join in when life beats me up. If someone or something hurts my feelings, I will sometimes think all these terrible thoughts about myself in the aftermath. Other times I feel distinctly self-destructive. I’m often able to find mostly harmless ways to cope. Sometimes I…
Read MoreAnxiety
Behind the curtain of the personality I most often present to the world, I have a fair amount of anxiety streaming through me a lot of the time. The core of my anxiety stems from the experience of being in a group of people or at a party and feeling that no one sees me…
Read MoreBody Shame
On Friday I had a conversation with a doctor that left me feeling upset and ashamed about my weight. A part of my recovery from 15+ years of struggling the an eating disorder has been that I am much calmer when I do not focus on numbers. I do not weigh myself and I tell…
Read MoreWhen One Of Us Falls
6 years ago, my friend Afran ended his life. Though I hadn’t known him long, his life and death impacted me so deeply. Witnessing the effect of his suicide on my community and the grief of so many people I love was almost unbearable. I didn’t know what to do or say, but I knew…
Read MoreOpen Eyes of Racism
Open eyes see Racism everywhere Don’t fucking look away You know what you saw You know what you heard You witnessed the harm You were part of the harm You stood silently for too long You accepted the lies Made them your truth & tradition Time to break down and dismantle white supremacy We must…
Read MoreI love you
I wrote this 4 years ago and I remember precisely the feeling of expressing it. I still feel exactly the same way. The growing edge is living it and choosing this level of dedication to move, act and react from this wise and inspired part of myself. The sincerity of my words hold up over…
Read MoreMeditation
I captured only a fraction of the intricate drops of rain beaded on the flower buds and leaves in this garden. The rain felt dewy and mist-like. I can’t remember ever feeling so content to be covered in tiny droplets of water and larger, more splatter-y drops falling on my head from the branches of…
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