diving
My dad found these old black-and-white photos that he took of me diving when I was in high school, and looking at them brought back all of these memories that feel so physical and visceral, like my body remembers this whole life that I haven’t thought about in years.
Read Moretoo much cowbell
I open my sliding glass door to listen to the wind & smell the evening air. Frank & Ricky come running to do the same. They like to keep watch over their yard at night. We watch Billie, our local shepherdess, finish filling the water tank in the back of her truck & then drive…
Read MorePeace Is Something I Have to Stop Leaving
My peace can sometimes feel like something that is out there that I have to go find. Maybe I have to hike up the hill? I wonder if a better view will help me find peace? Some days I need to drive myself to the ocean. Will I find my peace walking along the edges…
Read Morefear of fear
One of the things we talked about in Mystery School today was “fear of fear.” I realized how much of my life has been shaped not only by fear itself, but by trying to organize my life around avoiding fear. Avoiding rejection.Avoiding abandonment.Avoiding being misunderstood.Avoiding not being enough.Avoiding not knowing.Avoiding disapproval.Avoiding feeling exposed, vulnerable, fragmented,…
Read MoreOrienting to 49
I turned 49 this week. I’m orienting, organizing, and grounding around the start of my 50th year. I spent my birthday at Harbin Hot Springs, where I got a massage, walked slowly through the gardens, watched the morning light touch the land, listened to coyotes near my cottage, and remembered how much natural beauty helps…
Read Moremoving fear
Building a Map Through Fear I’ve been noticing that I’m building a kind of map for how I move through fear—and it’s happening through my real life, not outside of it. Not in big breakthroughs, but in the moments where I feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure what to do next. These are a few moments…
Read MoreLight on Water
I went to the De Young Museum today to see Monet & Venice. My friend and I had planned to get there early. It’s spring break for lots of folks this week, so it was packed. At first I felt that familiar low-grade frustration — I wish all these people weren’t here — and then…
Read MoreJ is for Jaguar
On Sunday, a friend hosted a gathering about creativity—how we express it, and how inspiration is finding us in this season of life. I loved being in community, talking about creativity while sitting inside a beautiful day with nature sounds all around us. Something about that combination—conversation, beauty, attention, and the permission to just explore—opened…
Read Moresacred errands
Join me for some sacred errands. A 5-6 minute read if you have the time and desire. I’ve felt an uncomfortable level of overwhelm and too muchness for weeks. Today instead of trying harder, instead of demanding more efficiency from myself, I’m trying out what it’s like to slow down and let things exist without…
Read Moreleaves of three
On my sunset walk, the light shining through the poison oak leaves was gorgeous. Leaves of three, let them be! I heard a mountain biker approaching from behind. He called out to me, “Good evening!” I stepped aside and turned as he passed. He repeated his heart felt “Thank you so much” twice. The encounter…
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