Sunset to Moonrise

Sunset to moonrise hike last night. Listening to a book written 20 years ago about a dystopian future that sounds a lot like today. The imagined suffering that is now real made me cry. It’s so chronically exhausting to see all that is failing, depleting, exploitative, and toxic, and to know that people in power…

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Self-Soothing

Recently I noticed that I’ve been soothing myself in ways that either don’t last, don’t work, or aren’t actually soothing. I’m not judging myself for that. I appreciate my awareness of it. At some point the part of me that truly seeks deep nourishment will activate. There are millions of opportunities each day to ignore…

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Inside Job

I’ll be 45 in 2 days. Someone asked me what I want for my birthday. I couldn’t put it into words until right now. What I want feels way too big to ask for, unless it’s a prayer. What I want for myself is an inside job. I need to create it, do it and…

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Details

I was thinking a little too hard about what made me happy today. I don’t feel the need to force happiness if it’s not there, that’s not happy. It makes me feel good that people check in with me regularly and tell me about their lives. I love that. I’m into the tiniest details and…

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Let Life Be What It Is

This morning I spent some time sitting, drinking my tea, listening to the sounds of life happening around me, and watching my thoughts come and go. I can string my thoughts together with such passion and dedication when I am invested in communicating them in order to achieve a certain outcome. Sometimes I catch myself…

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Tiny Moments

I’ve been wanting to say something for days, but I can’t quite get it out. It’s a quiet truth, one that’s easy to ignore and override. It’s that vulnerable risk that’s a little too scary to fully embrace. It’s the part of you that longs to be seen but is mostly shy. It’s noticing that…

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Disrupting the flow

Here are some things I’ve been thinking about lately. Current goals for my ongoing, ever-changing state of awareness: 1. Noticing and taking in all visible and invisible forms of disparity I encounter and holding them as an expanded awareness of how to be most human and humane. There is always a worse circumstance or a…

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Core Stories

Some ideas, statements and beliefs are harder and edgier for me to wrap my mind around than others. It’s likely because they go against some of the core stories that I’ve known or told about myself over the past 4 decades. It’s not that I am unable to reconsider or edit these core stories, but…

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Tuesday Thoughts

I saw pumpkins on a porch in Berkeley. I noticed that the leaves are starting to change color. Summer is waning, but it’s still warm enough to eat outside in the shade and sleep with the windows open. I smelled a hint of fall in the air last night. I felt both relieved and anxious.…

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