fear of fear

Soft orange sun on the horizon reflected on calm blue water at dusk, with a hazy, blurred sky.

One of the things we talked about in Mystery School today was “fear of fear.” I realized how much of my life has been shaped not only by fear itself, but by trying to organize my life around avoiding fear. Avoiding rejection.Avoiding abandonment.Avoiding being misunderstood.Avoiding not being enough.Avoiding not knowing.Avoiding disapproval.Avoiding feeling exposed, vulnerable, fragmented,…

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Orienting to 49

Pink flower in sunlight at Harbin Hot Springs garden, symbolizing slowing down, beauty, and self-reflection

I turned 49 this week. I’m orienting, organizing, and grounding around the start of my 50th year. I spent my birthday at Harbin Hot Springs, where I got a massage, walked slowly through the gardens, watched the morning light touch the land, listened to coyotes near my cottage, and remembered how much natural beauty helps…

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safety

Deciding—and remembering—that I am safe, and that I feel safe, is powerful. Safety isn’t equally available. Many people are living with real, ongoing threats from what some call “law enforcement”, extreme violence, brutal harassment, or many other forms of abuse. I do not want to try to spiritualize that away or pretend anyone can “think”…

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breathe

Today’s message from love: Take a few long, slow, deep breaths. Take a few more. Breathe deeply all the way down into your pelvis. Breathe space between your ribs. Breathe into your back body. Generously give your lungs cool, fresh air. Let the exhale fall out of you gently. Let the air and the breath…

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learning from the river

I spent several hours over the past two days immersed in the Yuba River. I visited two different spots along the river, returning again and again to the water and the rocks as my teachers. I explored the shallow water, pulling myself forward with my arms like an alligator—my head just above the surface, my…

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Wild Woman

Plus-size woman standing in water with head thrown back laughing holding handfuls of mud with sun bursting through trees behind her

Before the Unleash Your Inner Wild Woman photo shoot. Who is my wild woman self? What does she long for? How does she move through the world? How does she move her body? How does it feel inside of her when pleasure rises up through her root chakra and explodes throughout her whole body? How…

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