anger

Last Updated on October 4, 2025

I went for a neighborhood walk at sunset today. I felt so angry & needed to move. I stomped on all the dry leaves in my path. They made a crunching noise that was almost satisfying. I was reminded of the epic tantrums I threw as a kid where I’d slam my bedroom door more than once because I needed more from the slam.

I walked past the golf course & rolled my eyes at the group of young men being so loudly obnoxious. I projected privilege, self-centeredness & obliviousness onto them. I couldn’t get away from their bro-ing fast enough.

I felt my “don’t fuck with me” energy. It’s a foreign feeling to me, but I almost wanted to fight with someone.

It’s a pointless practice to fight with someone in your head who doesn’t even care. That made me even more mad.

Anger is energizing. I was walking like an east coast person, passing people on the sidewalk. I’m usually the one getting passed. I do like having more energy.

The real reason I’m mad is self-abandonment. It’s hard to unlearn. I feel like I’ve been working on it forever. I’m so mad about that too.

I’m pissed off. I’ve had it in so many ways. Who knows if getting angry makes a difference, but it makes me feel more alive & moves the stuck energy.

I took this picture of the new moon. I swear it grew from the time I saw it looking silver on the blue sky as I started my walk.

Just as I was walking up to my house, I saw the biggest meteor I’ve ever seen making its way across the sky. It was a huge group of meteors with long red/yellow glowing tails. It moved in slow motion & finally burned out just beyond the hill with the eucalyptus trees. I almost got it together to take a photo. There was time, but I was too slow from being so mesmerized.

It was a long, slow beautiful burn out. I can relate. It all makes perfect sense. I feel related to the meteor.

What a miracle to have been in the right place at the right time. It reminds me of seeing a space shuttle re-enter the atmosphere with a huge explosion & then leaving a trail of fire across the sky. I was driving home from San Diego with friends. It was around 2am. I pulled over to watch. No one else woke up. It was my own private miracle moment.