Winter Solstice Light

I took some time today to seek out the light that was available on this Solstice. I put myself in the way of the light to receive warmth and fresh energy. I became more light. I felt the transformation happening between myself and today.

I’ve been sick for days and isolating so I don’t add to the collective wave of sickness passing thru this time of year.

I watched myself sink into the silence, my own quiet presence, the solitude of the short days and long nights where I am faced with myself and unable to escape all that is me at every moment. Even in sleep, there I am dreaming and not dreaming.

It’s been a beautiful time to grieve. Grief is so wrenching and all consuming sometimes. I appreciate when I am fully taken by grief, there is absolutely no doubt or vagueness in that kind of grief. It’s clear and effective.

This is the moment I have to be with my grief. I don’t need anyone to try to make it better. I just need to listen and hold grief’s hand and hear the messages she has for me about the painful journey of letting go that the heart must take because: love. It’s an honor to cry these tears and emote these sounds. My grief became a sound healing as it poured itself out of me over and over.

And then today I felt joy just when I so desperately needed it. The earth, trees, water, sun and wind instructed me on how to use everything I’ve got at my disposal to keep growing. Not only keep going, but find delight in new breath, new thoughts, new considerations and possibilities. I sat next to a giant redwood tree hugging the edge of a cliff and observed how she spills her essence downward into thin air growing confidently in all directions with such precariousness.

The roots never stop rooting and the tips of branches never stop producing their green newness. The wonder of it all is how I could ever not be moved by the unstoppable nature of life when it has a chance and any conditions it can use to make more life?

I can’t explain the depths of these last few days of this year. They are mine and they get to be as private as I choose. I can express the gratitude I feel for life and the trust I can always find that “this too shall pass.”

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