Written before the photo shoot.
Who is my wild woman self? What does she long for? How does she move through the world?
How does she move her body? How does the skin of her face rest and revive itself? How does it feel inside of her when pleasure rises up through her root chakra and explodes throughout her whole body? How does she move when she doesn’t give a fuck who is watching or what they think about her?
She moves confidently through the world carrying her solid, sturdy body with pride and swaying her hips for the friction it creates between her thighs. Any who would judge her for indulging her own pleasure…fuck them. Leave them all behind in her dust.
Her mouth is wide open breathing in all the air that can fill up her deep, wide lungs, and give her more life, expand her chest wide and high, lifting her breasts into the air as they bounce and sway.
Her hair flows behind her in the wind, brushing her neck, breasts, and back with its wild, silken waves. She tosses her head back and laughs when the winds shifts and blows her hair across her face. She runs her fingers through the thick locks and massages her scalp briefly sending shivers down her spine.
Her hips are wide and her soft belly protrudes below her heavy, full breasts. The breeze caresses her curves as her naked body moves forward fully enjoying all the space that it requires, demands, and claims.
Her gait is solid, precise, and gentle. Her feet sink deep into the soft earth kissing the great mothers surface with each sacred step. She is welcomed on this earth, cherished, held, caressed warmly each step of her journey. The soft, smooth, deep, lush soil mingles with her toes and the soles of her feet and the exchange of energy is pure joy.
Her shoulders are wide, strong, and powerful. She relaxes them down her back and her thick skin undulates over the muscle and bones and as she walks. Her back is flexible as she leans back opening her heart center to the sky and reaches up drawing the warmth of the sun down into her body. She’s an extension of the earth and a beautiful, curvy creation of the universe.
Written after the photo shoot:
I embraced this whole project as my wild woman. She leapt at the opportunity and went for it with everything, creative engines pumping. My wild woman has creative vision pulsing through her veins.
I started with inspiration of large, curvy female bodies in print. What do I love seeing? Curves. Women loving their curves. Not hiding. My wild woman does not hide any part of her body from anyone. She walks in the world owning every cell of her being and loving everything from her aura inward with all her might. She is safe and knows it is safe for her to be seen because her energetic boundaries are impenetrable and she knows that she is in control of who stays outside and who is invited in at every level. She is smart, intuitive, and sees people for exactly who they are.
As a wild woman of the earth, I’m in an intimate relationship with the earth and my body. Time after time, alone with myself, I have laid my body down on the earth and let her hold me fully. My trust in the earth is deep and unending. She can always hold all of me. Her capacity is endless. The earth receives my pain and anguish easily, she infuses me with her strength, her resilience, her depth, and her groundedness until I am her, there is no difference between me, my body, and the earth. I pray to remember this in each moment as I walk with my sensitive bare feet and tender skin upon her surface. My feet kissing her sensuously always. Her surfacing embracing me fully with each step, feeding me, fueling me, and always 100% supportive of whatever I need to be my strongest, fullest, more powerful expression of myself.
All the thousands of ways the earth expresses herself, those are me also. The peaceful lakes, the raging oceans, thunderstorms, gorgeous sunsets, savage fires, and a warm, calm, clear day that smiles upon the universe. I am all of that. I contain every nuance and extremity within my skin and it is all allowed to be and exist without the sting of shame or the weight of judgement.
My wild woman is in control of how and when she expresses her own wildness, and she flows with the out of control nature of the wildness of the earth. When she desires the glassy, serene surface of the Bay and is met by the receding tide, she enters in anyway. The water beckons her to come in more deeply. It says, “Sink in to my soft, warm muddy surface and let me fully embrace and nourish you. Let me cover you with my love.”
My wild woman literally infused herself with the smooth, rich, mud that exists under the Bay as the tides move in and out. It was so exhilarating to gush my hands into and spread this mud all over my legs, thighs, ass, stomach, arms, and breasts. It felt so fucking sexy and sensual being so intimate with the sacred substance that is full so much life and movement. And I was allowing Candace to witness me with her lens and capture such intimate moments. She offered me this time to let out my wild woman essence and she supported me in claiming every second of this precious time and squeezing every desire and instinct in to this experience. Part of me doesn’t even care what the images look like, though I know they will be wild and beautiful. I am in love with the feeling that I had as it happened, how it felt to indulge myself, and how thrilling it was to be so deeply immersed in the earth and all her gooey, soft, muddy glory.
I bought myself sunflowers and hugged them to my chest loving the feeling of the petals against my breasts. I grabbed a bunch of flowers in each hand, dragged their strong, bright yellow bursts through the water and threw a wide spray of water up in the air so many times…rainbows of muddy water drops falling all over my body and all around me in the sunset light.
My wild woman stood up straight and tall as I was pulled down deeper into the mud. She swayed in the sunset light singing to the sun, the earth, the water, and all that is the glue that binds us together. Candace placed tiny yellow flowers in my wild hair. I love to adorn myself with flowers, with earth, with all that is natural. I also loved having Cami curl my hair, brush my face with her soft makeup brushes, and paint my lips bright red. I so rarely make an effort to do my hair or paint my face. It feels so fun and exciting sometimes. I loved the attention. I am really good at receiving attention. My wild woman receives attention so gracefully and effortlessly, it fuels her open heart to love even more deeply and unapologetically.
My wild women receives beautifully. She receives herself and all her desires. She receives every gift the abundant earth has to offer her. She receives the pure love and attention of others that honor and respect her. There are those who want to be received by her also and share in the abundant experience of wildness when control has been gently set down, let go, and all that exists is pure possibility, pleasure, joyful expression, and fueling forward the energy and motion of life together. We are always moving forward together with others though our proximity may vary and feel far away. We are all wild at our core. We are all in this mud of life together. It could be experienced as a crisis when it’s hard to move and it sticks to everything that we wanted to be pretty, clean, and controlled. OR it can be exhilarating to just be stuck there and feel the movement that exists everywhere all around me in each moment.
My wild woman wonders, “How can I be most fully present in this moment of stuckness? Can I dig deeper into the stuckness? Can I reach down and grab handfuls of it and smooth this stuckness all over my body and literally embody it?” This is how my wild woman handles her stuckness. It’s both a Fuck You to the stuckness AND a Come Here to the stuckness. She says, “I love you and I want to embrace you so fully until we become one and our union becomes something new that is the opposite of stuckness because we have created movement and motion together.” This is the medicine of stuckness that I never knew before I allowed it to teach me.
That is the gift of my wild woman. She has the vision for connection, for breaking through the perceived barriers, for finding new movement and freedom by breaking down her own walls. All the while she is conscious of carrying her less wild parts in a way where they are not ignored or dissociated from, but exist fully present within her loving embrace.
When it’s just me, the earth, my wild woman, and the eyes of all those that see me authentically and want nothing more that my total freedom, happiness and truest expression of myself, anything is possible. And when the setting isn’t quite so supportive, generous, or ideal…anything is still possible. The eagle vision of my wild woman sees a pathway through anything that life delivers. She focused like a laser, has no time for any bullshit, and is dedicated to all that can happen, all the possibility in the connectedness of wild women with themselves, the earth and others.
We all have a wild woman inside. Men especially have a wild woman inside. Find her, surrender to her, and let her show you the way. Bow to her in gratitude. She comes from and is fueled by the earth and the womb that gave you your life. She wants you to have your life, your whole fucking life with all the highs and lows and nuances that are exactly yours. Don’t miss out on any of it. If your can receive her fully, you’ll notice that there is no grasping, effort, forcing, it all moves at exactly the right pace and flows in exactly the right ways. That is the way your/our/my life force works. Life is the force, not us. We open, soften and allow our life force to exist and move us forward. We honor it sacredly and honor ourselves and others with the same reverence.