2 eagles

Last Updated on January 2, 2025

I woke up with a sugar hangover from eating a big piece of that amazing chocolate cake. I still like my choices. It was worth it. I’d do it again.

I made it to yoga. I did a 75-minute Ashtanga class that was so hard it brought tears to my eyes a few times.

Some of the poses are very challenging for my body, but what brings tears to my eyes are the moments I find myself fighting my body, caught up in feeling the drive & desire I have for it to look or be a certain way. That is what hurts, what I struggle with & when I notice I’ve stopped breathing fully.

It’s a million moments over my life where I’ve chosen force over flow. I make the intention with every class over & over to find & create the neural pathways of flow & breath over force. It’s a core prayer of my lifetime.

In the moment of writing this, I heard the call of eagles. I looked up to see 2 bald eagles flying overhead. I’ve never seen an eagle, let alone 2 of them, by my house. I feel amazed & blessed.

2 nights this past week, as I was leaving my house for a restorative yoga class, I saw 2 different barn owls standing on the ground. One was in the middle of the street & flew off as I approached. The other owl was on a sidewalk. I know owls sometimes hunt on the ground, but this felt so potent to see 2 in a row.

I’m grateful for the inspiration from nature to “Pay Attention!”

Hummingbirds are often buzzing me as I sit in my backyard. Their comings & goings are almost always in my awareness. I know they don’t have to show themselves to me. I always feel blessed to be seen by them.

Yesterday a sweet friend offered me a biodynamic craniosacral bodywork session. It’s such a gift to have someone be so present with my body & offer such spaciousness for my body to be held. My body knew exactly how to use her touch & contact to heal what it needed to heal.

She joked that my body was like, “Hold my beer.”

She held my ankles & I felt the imbalances between the sides of my body make themselves known & even out. She held my sacrum & my womb reviewed her myriad cycles of preparing for life & releasing. She held my mid back & my cells brought forth stories of both deep pain & wide joy. She held between my shoulders & my body unlocked something I have no words for. She held my head & I felt released into to an endless bay of deep peace & calm, glassy waters.

I often know what my body needs & don’t know how to ask for or accept it. Discovering the level of presence & embodiment I require to be in a good way with my body is incredible & also overwhelming.

It has taken me so many years to understand what it means to keep my body safe on so many different levels. I’m still learning in more depth & nuance all the time. I hold onto the knowledge that I don’t know what’s impossible or what’s possible. I don’t know when a miracle will happen.

There is a state I love to be in where I feel open without expectation, I feel nourished & resourced from the inside, I meet my life with curiosity & wonder. I move into & out of this state without the highs & lows of trying to force or control myself.

I don’t understand it, but I like it. At this point in my life, it’s what I’m most interested in & engaged by.