illusion of control

Last Updated on July 14, 2025

Recently I booked a nonstop flight to Portland on Frontier. Then I got a notice that they changed my flight. The new plan was to stop in Las Vegas “on the way” to Portland…making it a 7 hour trip instead of 90 minutes. Ew.

New plan! I canceled Frontier & paid more to fly United. Fingers crossed they don’t have a change of plans.

Yesterday I realized my driver’s license had expired—six weeks ago! Oops. I only found out because I was denied entry to San Quentin for a prison program I volunteer with.

Today I went to the Corte Madera DMV to renew my license & get the freakin “Real ID” I’ve been avoiding.

I had my Passport, my paperwork, my bills, etc. to prove I’m a REAL person. I pre-hydrated, ate a good breakfast. Pro tip: Don’t be hangry at the DMV. I prepared myself to try to remain calm for a few hours of my life that I assumed would suck.

I did spend 2.5 hours of my life standing in 4 different lines at the DMV, but I accomplished what I needed to & I actually had an okay time. The DMV is full of people (on both sides of the counter) dealing with the challenge of complicated, inefficient systems that never seem to end.

Government systems are slow, frustrating, smelly, outdated—and somehow always have the worst lighting. I was extra kind to the gov’t employees who helped me. They weren’t unfriendly & they did their jobs.

I just dozed off trying to find a way to make these surprising events into an interesting life lesson that helps me move forward. I think it’s around holding more loosely to my expectations, allowing what I think I know to change, not forgetting the vast areas I know nothing about or have forgotten & everything that has fallen off of my radar.

I’m often humbled by the unexpected turns & twists life takes. I like remembering that I don’t know what might happen at any moment.

I aspire to be more adaptable & able to adjust my ways of being, but I’m also sometimes rigidly dedicated to plans, ideas, desires, and/or ways I think things should be.

It’s funny to me, my perception of control & thinking I know. Here’s to all I don’t know & all that’s unknown becoming known.

So I made cookies. Because sometimes the best response to chaos is butter, sugar, and a little sweetness.