I’m learning, a little bit at a time, about the map of the sky as it was when I was born and what insight it might hold in relationship to who and how I am today according to people who study astrology deeply. It’s helping me remember poignant truths and also see areas that I have changed, am changing and want to change, as well as accept and welcome myself as I am now, in the moment.
I can definitely say that I’ve worked hard in my life, but I’m seriously questioning my motivation in a lot of areas as I look at my past. I feel ready, rested and well-resourced to work hard at something that blends a combination of pulling from my own sources of creativity and strength, sharing at an appropriate level of vulnerability and depth and consistently pushing the envelope of comfort, complacency and status quo.
I don’t know what it looks like yet or exactly where to start. I miss the connection and feeling of being engaged in creating art that I dreamt up and executed by both following and detouring from my ideas as the next steps in the process make themselves clear. It’s very intimate. I’ve chased that edge in different ways over the years, but I haven’t really given myself space to be fully immersed in my own creative process in a very long time. It feels vulnerable to admit that.
I have the freedom to remember and remind myself of the truest parts of what make me who I am without trying to bend them to fit with anyone else’s parts. I’ve effectively reserved that freedom for a really long time. It feels like the right time to use it in a bigger and more impactful way.
Today I’m thinking about how I was born just before midnight and my sun sign, Taurus, was just a few degrees off true North. The way I shine my light in the world is like the rays of a full moon. You can’t see everything right away, it’s more subtle, you don’t need sunglasses, you won’t get burned, but that doesn’t mean it’s not as powerful if you are willing to be outside at night and let your eyes adjust to the dark while you take in all that is illuminated in a different way.
For many years I have hiked in beautiful places under the full moon at night with close friends. It’s a beautiful way to mark time and reflect on truth and growth. I’m not rigid about this ritual, but I do long for it when too many full moons pass by without giving myself the chance to fully experience the beauty and wonder. I’m recharged by moonlight. I like that about myself.
It helps to share this tradition with friends, but I’ve gotten lazy and relied on their inspiration to get out there and recharge myself. I remember today to do this for myself because I like it and how it feels and the benefits that it brings into my life.
Alone or with a friend in moonlight isn’t a scary thing to me, though I have felt scared at times, it’s not enough to stop me. Same with the unknown and with the creative process.