restorative

6 weeks ago I rejoined my local yoga studio after a 6 month break. For the first 4 weeks, I went to 5 restorative classes a week. I kept commenting to people about how I needed to pay money to lie on pillows and breathe. It felt like a humorous thing to say, but making fun of myself doesn’t feel good. I do it sometimes because it seems like a thing people do. I am going to stop doing that.

Tonight my yoga teacher thanked us twice from the bottom of her heart for showing up and being there for class. It was meaningful to me. It matters that I show up and take care of myself. I do need and gratefully accept the support of yoga teachers reminding me to inhale and exhale. I am so grateful for the support of my mat, of yoga bolsters, blocks, blankets and straps to assist me in moving and stretching my body safely and comfortably. I receive and use all supportive props with joy.

Learning moment to moment to be present with myself, my body, my peace, and my breath is one of the most important things I can do to give myself the best chance of feeling happy.

When life is challenging, it’s harder to take care of myself and easier to ignore my body. Whatever it is that brings me back to a daily practice of awareness, I am relieved to have gotten myself here.

I do a lot of things on my own. I spend most of my time doing things by myself. I’m very grateful to not practice yoga alone. Even though I often have my eyes closed as I practice, and prefer the front of the room without anyone in front of me, I feel the collective energy shared in the room. I’m moved by it every time. It’s a good reason to show up.

I am not chatty or friendly at yoga, but it means so much to me to practice together, breathe together, and experience the transformation of the class from beginning to end with other people who also showed up for themselves. I love being solitary in community and having a shared solo experience.

Tonight I felt strong in my breath as it moved me through the poses. I felt strong in my body. I had many strung together moments of flowing movement and breath that felt like a moving meditation. That’s all I ever want from my yoga practice.