heart rock

It is neither useful nor possible to solve all the problems of the day at once. Piling on all the burdens of the moment & wearing them like a heavy coat doesn’t help. Nor is it a solution to run away from or ignore it all. Handling things strictly in the order they appear isn’t a system that always works or feels fair; it depends on so many factors.

I hold deep appreciation for my highly attuned decision-making process. I honor the way I include my self-preservation & care in most every decision. I have reverence for the way I block out as much unnecessary noise as I can.

In any season of life, every pull on your energy can claim to be the most urgent, the most deserving of your time & care. When your attention is stretched across many directions at once, it’s ultimately up to you to choose how to move—and you live with the outcomes of those choices. There is a delicate balance here that matters & is not easy to achieve.

I feel grateful for the beauty of the dance we are all doing all the time. However awkward or graceful it looks from the outside, however our navigation lands for others & whatever the results are, I appreciate all of our attempts to hold the threads & tend to the nodes of connection.

We are navigating as we see fit, making the best decisions we can at any given time, with all that we have to consider—knowing in ourselves what others can’t see & have no way of knowing.

There is such a palpable softening when I am able to give others the grace I also give myself. With all that doesn’t get done or said or noticed, all that falls away or slips through the cracks, there is still so much I am attempting to give my full heart to—my dedicated attention, deep care & presence, and my love. It is impossible to do it all in the way I would like. Decisions must be made.

Instead of asking, “Why are they like that? Why can’t they see? What are they thinking?” It is easier to take a deep breath, exhale & know in my heart that we are all doing the best we can with what we’ve got at this time. I always intend to do my best & at the same time, I find peace in letting it be enough, putting down the striving & effort before it drains my lifeforce.

I’m continually unwinding my reverence for striving, my pride in being a hard worker, my drive to be the best, my addiction to perfection. I am, as gracefully as possible, finding the way that works for me where I consider my authentic self, my soul’s journey, my spirit. I’m making space for everything that is unique inside of me, existing nowhere else across time, everything that wants to be expressed in this lifetime by the human called Abby & will not wait until it’s convenient or until an invitation to be me arrives in the mail.

All the other things will still be lined up to be dealt with and/or will resolve themselves one by one. It’s too easy to let endless days go by just doing all that pops up & demands my attention instead of taking the time to carve out the path that my heart knows is there & longs to explore.