holiday spirit

Some moments that connect me to my holiday spirit.

My neighborhood has a little floating Christmas tree that appears in the bay this time of year. It makes me happy when I notice it, especially at night when it’s all lit up.

I enjoy walking around the Loch Lomond Marina at night. Holiday lights on boats that reflect on the water are always magical to me.

My mail man’s holiday socks & white tights make me laugh. It’s not the 1st year I’ve noticed them, but it’s the 1st time I took a picture. I felt a bit awkward about photographing him from my kitchen window, but the memory makes me happy. Imagine all of the people you’ve made smile who you’ll never know about.

Spending the afternoon on Mt Tam yesterday made me feel alive. Chasing slivers of sunlight drifting through dense redwoods & finally watching the sunset over the ocean and fog layer was achingly beautiful.

Today Katy & I forced Frank & Pooters to FaceTime. They did not seem to enjoy it, but effort of trying to get our cats together was so much fun.

Every year I feel joy when people text me photos of me on their tree!

It’s a balancing act allowing joy in as many moments as possible. I’m showing up in conversations & at parties without trying too hard or forcing anything. I’m resting, prioritizing quiet time & doing nothing, as well as all tending to the parts of life that must be taken care of.

I’m navigating too muchness and/or not enoughness, trying to get it just right while knowing that there’s no such thing. The highs will be high, the lows will be low, the blahs will be blah. I might be surprised at any moment by how fun it all is, how kind someone is, how much I have to say, how long things take or how quickly I need to leave.

I feel like I’m on a slide that is going both fast & slow all the way to the end of the year. It’s like, “Wheeeee!” Then, “Oh no, my skin is sticking to the slide & I’m stuck.” Then too fast again. Then “Oh shit, I’m going to land hard on my butt if I’m not careful.”

This is the life I get to live, these are the choices I get to make. It’s all a privilege & a miracle. I feel much less a victim of anything. That feels like a big accomplishment.