what really matters

There’s an explosion of new green everywhere, I saw the first poppies on the hillside today. Light pink blossom petals are silently fluttering to the ground with the slightest breeze.

I’ve been easing my way back into my yoga practice after a 2-month break. I’ve found some energy and inspiration to cook a few meals for myself this week. I feel the energy of the coming Spring starting to rise.

I got a haircut after 7 months. I have things I’m looking forward to.

This new stage comes after some serious wintering. Some going inward for weeks at a time, just able to do the bare minimum of keeping myself and my life on track and my clients and cat’s content.

All the while I would have said I was fine, life was good, while winter brews, expands, and bubbles over spilling out everywhere and making a mess. I carry on doing my best. Smiling and nodding at lovely people in the street.

There are days when I sit in the sun and allow my skin to burn a little because it makes me feel alive. I’ve been up since 4am and feel sleep creeping through me.

As years go by it’s hard not to mourn the experience of feeling cute or pretty. As my age assigns itself to my face, my body, my hair…all over, I do my best not defy it. I pray to love myself even more each day to eclipse the feeling of disappearing into someone I feel surprised to see in the mirror. I take courage to know the road keeps going, I keep growing in wisdom, and I’m grateful to look like my true self. I’m learning more about this every day, who and how I want to be in response to my environment, my world, the beauty and the funk.

Humanity is so humbling. I don’t want to hide or make myself invisible. I don’t want to over-focus on my exterior or what is hard, and yet, I cannot honestly avoid it. It’s a case for my self-love to blossom and bloom, to open my heart wider, and be even more bold with my love. This is when it counts most.

The more I soften my gaze, the more deeply I see what really matters, what truly makes a difference on my souls journey. I get to enjoy this moment if I can allow myself to. There’s a sunrise and a sunset every day that I can be amazed by. I’m grateful we’re here.