I remember the feeling of being in an improv scene during a Medicine Theater class and hearing Asher Lyons call out, “New choice!” He was saying to pivot and change the scene, to take it in a new direction by making a new choice. Sometimes that “new choice” energy moves us in the direction of even more magic and medicine which creates just the healing we need that we didn’t know we needed.
Yesterday I was sitting on the couch feeling spacey and lethargic. Nothing was specifically wrong, but I didn’t feel right and I didn’t know what I needed help with. My brain was able to have the thought, “Go for a walk.” In my mind, I could play out a scenario of what going for a walk would be like and how I would feel afterward. I was able to know with some certainty that this would be a helpful choice.
What I absolutely LOVE about life, is that I had no idea what an incredibly amazing choice I was making and how the landscape, elements, and earth outside my door would rise to meet me in such a stunning way that my soul longed for, but couldn’t articulate.
I started out walking on the sidewalk and planning to do a familiar neighborhood loop that I often do. I’m sometimes more excited by examining the homes of Peacock Gap and their immaculately curated and tended gardens. Yesterday I watched my mind project a story of the empty perfection of these big, lonely homes that seemed too expensive to live in and too needy to take care of. Then I saw a fire road that I hadn’t noticed before and saw how the setting sun hovered just above the horizon line staring straight back at me. It was a sign for me to make a new choice and change the course of my walk.
I headed along the fire road behind the McMansions of Peacock Estates. I walked up a hill with a long, slow grade feeling sluggish and out of breath, but needing desperately to see what was on the other side over the top of the hill I was climbing. At the top, I saw the bay and the setting sun dancing across it. I realized that I knew where I was. I had connected with another trail I’ve hiked many times, but today I would be hiking it in a different direction than before.
All of a sudden, everything clicked into place and all the floaty parts of me that had been scattered and flailing about bounced back and I was whole and in the present moment. I was able to open my eyes and my heart more fully and realize how blessed I am to be able to step out of my front door into such beauty. I felt the perfect breeze communicating with me about motion and flow. How I am an integral part of the movement of life. How life needs me to keep moving forward sometimes because the trees want to be witnessed in their beauty, the dry grasses need someone to hear their secrets whispered across the golden field at dusk, and the tide needs someone to soothe with her lapping at the shore. Even if I project onto nature that she needs me to witness her, it doesn’t hurt anyone or anything to have more appreciation and love and learn better how to see clearly through the eyes of our hearts.
The activity of my brain and the thoughts cycling through as I hike are 1000 times uplifted when I’m surrounded by the natural world. There are endless beautiful details to be moved by and I love remembering how growth works, how seasons feel, and how natural imperfection is the new perfection. I just can’t find a single reason why I’m a victim of anything when I’m moving along a trail through China Camp watching the sun set and the tide coming home. The colors in the sky are indescribable. Why do I need to describe them beyond how they make my heart expand and wish that someone else was with me to witness such beauty? But then I realize that I am here with myself and completely surrounded by the beating heart of Mother Earth and everything that loves me and wishes me well. The story that I am alone just doesn’t hold up in nature. The feeling of being connected is even more accessible when I’m fully available to witness and take it in.
Everything that was stressing me out or weighing me down falls away and I get to be present without the weight of expectations and perceived pressures of the interconnected web of my life.
What if it’s not like that? What if it’s not bad, not a crisis, and not so urgent that I just disregard myself in order to measure up and prove I am worthy? It’s a lifetime journey and a million moments of making the choice to fill up my own soul and make a new choice with a gentle nudge from the universe to find more nourishment and nurturing from places and people that overflow with love and acceptance for me and fully embrace my presence and being.
Edited version for Instagram!
During an improv scene, my teacher, Asher Lyons calls out, “New choice!” It means to change the direction of the scene, to make it fresh. New choice energy can create the healing we need that we didn’t know we needed. I hear Asher’s instruction in my head years later. Make a new choice!
Yesterday I was feeling spacey & lethargic. I decided going for a walk would be a good choice. It was! The elements & earth outside my door rose to meet me in such a stunning way that my soul longed for, but couldn’t articulate.
I started out on a familiar neighborhood loop. My mind created a story of the empty perfection of these big, lonely homes that seemed too expensive to live in & too needy to take care of. Then I saw a fire road I hadn’t noticed before. The setting sun hovered just above the horizon staring back at me. A sign to make a new choice!
The steep trail had me feeling sluggish & out of breath, but at the top, I saw the setting sun dancing across the bay. I had connected with a trail I’ve hiked many times. Today I’d be hiking it in a different direction.
Everything clicked into place. My floaty, scattered parts bounced back. I opened my eyes & my heart to the present moment & felt so blessed.
The breeze communicated with me about motion & flow. The trees let me know how they want to be witnessed, the dry grass whispered their secrets across the golden field at dusk, & the tide soothed me with her gentle lapping at the shore.
There are endless beautiful details to be moved by. I love remembering how growth works, how seasons feel & how natural imperfection is the new perfection. My life happens along a trail watching the sun set & the tide coming home.
The indescribable sky colors make my heart expand & wish that another could witness this beauty with me. I know am surrounded by the beating heart of Mother Earth. I’m never alone in nature. I feel my roots expanding above & below.
The perceived pressures of my life fall away. My life is a million moments of making the new choices to fill up my own soul with a gentle nudge from the universe. I choose over & over to find nourishment & nurturing from the world around me.