Friends

Today I’m happy about driving to Livermore for a strange, yet emotional Bowie Tribute concert. It’s all about who you go with. I’m happy about music that we can bond over and that it can help us find/express our true identity, heal from loss and pain, as well as remind us of our past.

I’m happy to have friends that I feel so comfortable and seen with. It’s a blessing to be loved and accepted exactly as you are and to relax into simply being with others.

I make a point of mentioning/writing down the things that make me happy so that I can remember them in case I forget. I sometimes wonder if I’m forcing my happiness, but that’s not my intention with this practice. It’s more cultivating my happiness that already exists so that it can multiply.

Recently I feel challenged by some deeper levels of insecurity about my work and in some other areas. It feels like failure to admit a lack of confidence, though I do believe in my ability to get myself to the other side of it in a good way.

It seems like there is such reverence for confidence, yet so many people I speak to privately admit to lacking it fairly often. I feel such a strong message to be a confident woman all the time. I don’t want to put myself down, be self-effacing, or underrepresent my value, but falsely/optically inflating my confidence hasn’t paid off in ways I’m satisfied with. I don’t want to live in the world faking my confidence. I want to have it and love it when it exists, and be honest when it doesn’t and I need support.

Today I reached out for some support and found that some others were struggling too and we were able to help each other. It’s good to remember that in reaching out for help that could be just what someone else needs and it can help them too.