I wasn’t feeling like it was a good morning when I woke up. I don’t know why I sometimes wake with hard feelings on my heart. Sometimes waking up alone feels luxurious and calm, sometimes it feels incredibly lonely and sad.
Today I woke attuned to the bottomless black hole that no amount of attention, friendship or planning can fill. It’s an inside job tending to this vacuous space that is continually expanding and contracting within.
My wisest self knows that the source of this deep hole inside me is disconnection from myself and that which feeds my soul.
I took myself by the hand and went to greet the sunrise. By feeling the sun on my face and the cold, freshness of the morning air coming off the bay, I felt alive in the way that I like. The trees showed me how they orient themselves towards the increasing light of the new day. The ground under me so graciously reminded me how it never fails to offer support and of all the underground recycling that happens to create new life. Watching the sunlight dance on the water opened my mind and heart even wider, I felt wonder at the vastness of the Bay that reaches out so infinitely touching shores beyond my comprehension.
All this beauty exists whether I honor it daily or not. If I let it feed and soothe me regularly, it reminds me of my privilege to witness this beauty and see myself reflected in it. I am so grateful to live so close to such beauty, to remember to seek it out often, and to think to share its wisdom so that I may remember this feeling of the world loving me so deeply in another hard moment.